15 Jul What Family Photos Tell You When You Really Look and Talk
By Ruth Schimel PhD, Career & Life Management Consultant, Author
© 2025. Not for commercial use. For other permissions, contact:
Ruth at ruth@ruthschmel.com, 202.659.1772. www.ruthschimel.com
I recently had a rich renewal of family ties and understanding when my cousin Ellen and I reviewed and captured information from family photos going back decades to 1900. A poignant realization came when I noticed there were so few of my father. Blinding glimpse of the obvious: He was taking many of the photos!
(And he was not the only one who missed participating in experiences by being the photographer as you’ll see in this poem by Wendell Berry: The Vacation. https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/56192/the-vacation-56d238779b2aa)
As we discussed some of the stories behind many of the hundreds of photos, I also had the thought that some of his subtle shots showed he may have been more aware than I imagined of family dynamics, at least unconsciously. If I had been more aware myself, I could have used the images and the stories behind them for exploring meaning behind family associations and connections. But we barely had conversations about family relationships that I remember.
Now realizing Pop’s was often the eye behind the Leica, I sensed I had missed opportunities for discussing a wide range of family matters with him. One way of doing that could have started with his feelings and impressions from family photos. In retrospect, so much of our family conversations were taken up with what I call daily administrative matters and learning.
Too late for me now that Pop is gone. But I hope this article will remind you about opportunities in your present family situation. Consider ways to use precious time with family and perhaps close friends to encourage fresh, open conversations with some depth. Photos are encouraging and accessible props to do that. What might hold you back from trying this way to appreciate and understand your family and friends more deeply?
Ways to move beyond some typical inhibitions.
- Temporarily put into escrow any initial discomfort you may feel about departing from comfort zones and moving into new territory. You can always demur if the process becomes too uncomfortable.
- Appreciate the small adventures that can emerge as you take practice steps in developing deeper conversation around evocative and interesting photographs.
- Assume that your partners in exploration will be at least neutral initially and join in as they experience the fun and stimulation, as well as improved meaning, that come from moving beyond routine chatter.
- Stay patient, allow some time and try more than once to open communication with a range of photos that elicit various emotion from laughter to surprise. Explain the process gently as a way to notice new things and appreciate the family further. https://bigthink.com/big-think-books/deep-listening-the-8-steps-to-revitalize-any-conversation/?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=weeklynewsletter; If you wish, email Ruth for her article on improving your own specific skills related to effective listening for facilitating your conversations at ruth@ruthschimel.com.
- Stay curious about what may emerge that will engage you and others further.
Your present opportunities for appreciating family in new ways are residing and ready for your view in the possibly hundreds of photographs right on your cell phone. Are they also in albums and piles sequestered elsewhere? Or you may have or obtain electronic photo frames that automatically change photos. If possible, use your TV to run a photo series for fun, commenting and subsequent conversation.
As you take some small steps to strengthen family connection and understanding, here are some questions to ask yourself as you scroll the photos; choose and adapt any of the following you’d like. Add your own ideas.
As you answer them, listen for common themes and ideas. Be alert for associations and memories that emerge as well.
- What were the occasions when photos tended to be taken? Routine, special occasions, visits, unique locations or ???
- Who tended to take the photos and generally under what circumstances?
- What themes, situations or images kept repeating?
- What physical positions, gestures and expressions provided nonverbal information that suggested the nature of relationships, connections, moods or emotions? (See photo of me and my Uncle Dick at the article start.)
- Which photos provide opportunities to broach conversations with particular family members that you imagine would be enjoyable or at least informative?
In the process, remain alert that there are many points of view and differing perceptions of reality that can emerge from one impression or reaction. In other words, there is not only one “right” answer or view that contributes further to open conversation.
Here is one of my favorite songs that captures this openness:
Music that reminds of differing perspectives and perceptions.
Song: Both Sides Now https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8L1UngfqojI Judy Collins
https://americansongwriter.com/the-meaning-behind-both-sides-now-by-joni-mitchell/
Now that you’ve had initial experiences with playing with photos for insight and understanding in family and friendship situations, consider and improve upon the following for taking the experience and adventures further. For mutual understanding and enjoyment to make closer connections:
- Brainstorm about themes, situations and people in available photographs to encourage deepening discussion.
- Decide if you prefer to start with available photos or take new ones?
- Would stills or moving shots be more evocative and engaging?
If there’s anyone among your family and friends with photography skills, enlist the person in sharing them for ways to improve lighting, angles, color, et al. Alternatively, do some basic online learning and/or take a course together. Such collaborations might not only encourage awareness and expanded discussion, but also stimulate new views and ideas to initiate your own freshened experiences and projects.
Here are some ways to get started:
- organize available photos into themes such as time sequences, locations, similar situations, topics and your ideas:
- choose several evocative single or moving shots
- take a playful approach to capturing spontaneity in photos such as shooting people involved in a game such as statues or sport.
- Add your own ideas from the brainstorming and learning from associations, insights and memories that pop out.
Below is a current photo to consider for practicing looking at a photo. What do you notice about the environment, the relationship or situation? If you would weave a story about it, what would be its bare bones? If not already done, take some spontaneous photos yourself to expand your experiences with looking. Take some practice “runs” within your mind and with a few others who would enjoy the talking.
Photograph by Barbara Adler
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