02 Jul REFRAMING STRESS TO MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR WORK AND LIFE
REFRAMING STRESS TO MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR WORK AND LIFE
BY RUTH SCHIMEL PhD, Career and Life Management Consultant, Author.
©2025. Not for commercial use. For other uses and feedback, contact Ruth: ruth@ruthschimel.com 202.659.1772, www.ruthschimel.com
“Fight for the highest attainable aim. But never put up resistance in vain.” ~ Hans Selye ~
Who/what are your dragons?
https://www.loc.gov/resource/mrg.03489/
Preparation
20 minutes to read. Identify your main stress indicators and opportunities – attend to one, choosing a likely productive action to start.
Ingredients
Appreciating advantages of stress
Distinguishing among types of stress
Attending to the wisdom of your body
Caring for yourself
Fruits of Your Efforts
Use of stress to improve quality of life
Improved health
Enjoyment of work
Experience with self-management tools
Increased meaning and purpose in activities
Lightness of being
Nature and opportunities of stress
The purpose of this somewhat long article is to address the complexity of stress in ways that give you the power to do something about it. Aspects will help you expand your understanding of the benefits and nature of stress and how to mitigate negative aspects. A variety of processes and tools are designed to assist your action. Take what’s useful and leave the rest.
To start, view stress as a signal of being engaged in life. It is not intrinsically positive or negative. From a biological perspective, stress is “the nonspecific response of the body to any demand made upon it.” The “father of stress,” Hans Selye, said it doesn’t matter whether the cause or reaction is pleasant or unpleasant. A process of adjustment occurs, whatever the demands. Since stress also comes with the alertness and adaptability to change that is part of being alive, would you want the alternative of not being in this world?
As you think about the nature and opportunities in stress, here are two considerations. According to Selye, “The average citizen would suffer just as much from the boredom of purposeless subsistence as from the inevitable fatigue created by the constant compulsive pursuit of perfection.” The other is the actual range of stress itself, from bad to good. Appreciating the differences and sources will help you make choices for amelioration and enhance the pleasures in your life.
Especially if problems, pressures or issues seem to dominate your days, one process for improving daily activities is to discern the three types of stress you experience. They can be creative, good stress, normal stress and bad or distress. Creative, positive or good stress makes you feel stimulated, satisfied, excited or uplifted. Normal or everyday stress can accompany mundane activities such as uncomplicated thinking, moving from place to place or carrying packages. Distress or bad stress usually involves such negative emotions as anger, resentment and frustration, even loneliness, regret and sadness.
Some of the situations that tend to trigger distress include interpersonal conflict, loss of a loved one or job, experience of a great shock or blow to self-esteem. The ways you handle distress contribute to how it affects you. Unfortunately, many often grin and bear it which puts unhealthy demands on the cardiovascular system and other bodily processes. It also robs the emotional space where joys may abide.
Work and stress
Studies of work have shown that high-level managers who feel well-suited to their jobs experience creative stress; it is middle managers and lower-level employees who are more susceptible to distress because they have less control over their work and lives. Thus, situations
that do not allow you to use your constructive powers are likely to contribute to distress, especially these days with the uncertainties of AI. Keep in mind, work can include a range of activities; define it as you wish. https://www.axios.com/2025/05/28/ai-jobs-white-collar-unemployment-anthropic
Written a while back yet still apt, in The Hardy Executive: Health Under Stress, Kobasa and Maddi speak of people who handle stress well. These resilient folk tend to have three characteristics:
· commitment to job, family, friends and personal values
· sense of control over their lives, including the ability to recognize things or events over which they have no control
· willingness to accept change as inevitable and possibly even exciting
In contrast, individuals who feel alienated at work or home are likely to suffer from distress. Their lives seem out of control; they perceive change as threatening.
Sometimes you know you are experiencing bad stress; other times you may deny it. Self-awareness and honesty with yourself are therefore essential to avoid harm and use time and energy in meaningful ways. Although each person responds differently, the list below are signs that could indicate that you are suffering from bad stress.
Possible signs of distress for attention as relevant
To consider these signs, skim the following checklist of physical and emotional symptoms (just don’t let the length prompt distress!). Put a check next to any significant symptom, persisting or repetitive, that you have experienced in the last three months.
__ quickened pulse rate
__above-average blood pressure, often with pounding heart
__ nervous sweating
__ dry mouth and throat
__ muscular pain, often in the neck, across the shoulders or lower back
__ grinding or gnashing of teeth
__ high-pitched, nervous laughter
__ trembling or nervous ticks
__ nervous stuttering
__ frequent need to urinate
__ diarrhea or indigestion, sometimes with vomiting
__ migraine headaches
__ premenstrual tension or missed periods
__ diminished sexual urge
__ impotence
__ low sperm count
__ jitters
__ insomnia
__ fatigue
__ overeating, compulsive or otherwise
__ undereating or avoidance of eating
__ loss of appetite
__ ulcers
__ inability to relax or sit quietly
__ brooding
__ depression
__ irritability
__ ongoing discontent at home or work
__ inability to concentrate
__ dizziness, weakness or feelings of unreality
__ uncontrollable impulsiveness
__ unfounded fears
__ general anxiety
__ frequent nightmares
__ persisting resentment
__ persisting anger
__ inability to enjoy favorite pastimes
__ fear of expressing opinions or emotions
__ startling easily, even at small noises
__ tendency toward accidents
__ increased urge to smoke or drink alcohol
__ inappropriate use of drugs, prescription or illegal
Among these symptoms or any you add, choose the three main negative symptoms you’ve experienced in the last three months.
To give appropriate attention and action, consider whether any indicate a medical matter to be addressed directly with a professional. For others possibly related to bad stress, note the environments, situations and people connected with them. This information and their commonalties may help you notice aspects of your life that can benefit from your specific actions to encourage better outcomes. Adapt, ignore or choose among the following suggestions. Of course, add your own ideas.
· Consult professionals, especially about dangerous and worrisome symptoms. Use your current, satisfactory contacts and seek reliable referrals to doctors, dentists, psychologists, social workers, substance abuse counselors, nutritionists, massage therapists, physical therapists and alternative health providers such as acupuncturists.
· Consider how any of the significant examples of bad stress have affected your quality of life in the last three months to identify pressure points and opportunities for self-care.
· Converse with trusted people who know you well to obtain their insights and suggestions; how will you acknowledge and return their assistance in ways that have meaning to them?
· Keep notes to identify patterns of situations and behaviors that prompt symptoms; if useful, write in a journal or use online software to capture and organize them.
· Name areas for improvement in your own behavior that contribute to bad stress and the first manageable action you will take to progress.
· Block time on your calendar to follow through on some of those more promising experiences and actions.
· Engage partners to share efforts for improving each of your situations and bringing positive stress into your lives.
· Explore and participate in one or two groups that offer opportunities for creative stress.
· Identify what you can influence in your life for the better and what is beyond your control.
At this point, setting manageable priorities for action about negative stress is important to avoid feeling further overwhelmed or depleted. Use and improve the following questions to help you move forward.
· What action will you take each week that will mitigate negative stress now?
· What accessible new skill or learning situation will open the greatest opportunities for improvement now?
· With whom will you collaborate to address the issue, especially for mutually benefit.
Processes for sustaining positive, creative stress with constructive, pleasurable rhythms or rituals in your life, including meaningful rewards for any progress.
For suggestion below to which you relate, jot down one modest, specific thing that you want to, can and will do within several days. If you wish, create a list of up to five appealing positive actions you’d enjoy and benefit from doing. Use your priorities and actions to create a manageable rhythm or ritual for follow-through over a few months. Reserve times on your calendar for solidifying habits of creative, positive stress. Engage partners for progress who will bring mutual benefit and fun. Perhaps share a review of accomplishments and choose rewards together.
For holistic approaches and processes, adapt the following for your benefit.
Be true to yourself. According to Hans Selye, “Most of our tensions and frustrations stem from compulsive needs to act the role of someone we are not.” Studies show that acting in synchrony with your values, talents and interests will contribute to good health. If you sense you’re being inauthentic, briefly describe the situation and one related action that would express your true self. If not clear about what to do, pay attention to what emerges when you are spontaneous without overthinking things. Maybe record your feelings about the situation to hear yourself better.
Approximate a well-balanced life. If an aspect of your life gets inordinate attention, you may burn out and miss opportunities for greater depth and breadth. Instead, aim toward right proportion (in the Buddhist sense or not) for yourself among physical, mental, emotional, spiritual and social expression, between rest and activity. For initial focus, name one aspect of your life that needs healing now; start honoring that need by devoting time or another resource to it within the next few days.
Eat enjoyably and sensibly. During times of stress, your body uses more vitamin B and becomes depleted of vitamin C. Fruits, vegetables and whole-grain foods will help to replace these losses. Can you add an apple a day, for example? What proportion of protein, complex carbohydrates and fat is appropriate for you? What is the approximate daily calorie count that will support your nutritional goals? How can you limit sugary beverages and snack foods that do not contribute to
your health? How much regular healthy hydration is effective for you?
Based on your responses, outline brief, manageable eating processes and timing to test for a few weeks. Then, refine it for a routine you’d enjoy and be able to sustain. Engage partners for mutual reinforcement, as necessary. For more complex situations, consult a nutritionist for learning and testing viable habits as well as online sources using key words related to your concerns.
Move well. As you know, exercise lowers your heart rate, blood pressure and weight which can be factors in stress-related illness. It also increases your stamina and energy. How will you schedule and spread about 150 hours weekly for a range of physical activities that you’ll enjoy enough to continue?
Short-term ways to vent tension include singing, deep breathing and walking in nature. Explore Miranda Esmonde-White’s Aging Backward processes, including book, PBS programs and online options. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SoU17pMYtn0. Consult AI and your partners in progress for other leads and reinforcement.
Adopt and adapt calming routines. Yoga, meditation and prayer contribute to reducing bad stress when practiced authentically and regularly. In addition to online sources you find using key words, useful classic books include Herbert Benson’s The Relaxation Response and Lawrence LeShan’s How to Meditate. If nothing engages you yet, expand and experiment with ideas from your partners for progress and others who know you well, Aim also for regular rhythms and rituals of respite that fit practically into your life. Be honest with yourself about what you’ll do and why, if relevant, you’re not keeping promises to yourself.
Use visualization. Picture what could happen when you confront the source of your distress; imagining ways to address the unthinkable can make it less frightening. If you haven’t already tried this, ask yourself, “What is the worst thing that could happen?” How specifically would you deal with it? Choose one related action that you can and will take within the next week.
https://www.mentalhealth.com/library/visualization-and-guided-imagery-for-stress-reduction
Have conversations with people you trust. Talk about issues and opportunities with individuals you respect, trust and enjoy. This, and your offer to listen well to their concerns in exchange, can help release negative emotions and lead to new insights.
Identify what you can influence. List the main, valuable, actionable choices you have. Investigate them to see which have legs. Then, take manageable and appropriate action on the top two or three that are the most promising and inspiring.
Appreciate what you already have. Take pleasure in simple aspects of your present life. Perhaps specifically name and enrich them. Try making a gratitude list at the end of each day or create an alternative that appeals. Celebrate any progress in ways that have meaning to you with people who you enjoy and who enjoy you.
Brainstorm with a few others about what contributes to your distress and good stress (if not already clear). When you think it would be useful, identify the main matters that lead to each type of stress that you experience. Name a few ways for each category to minimize bad stress, enhance creative, positive stress and keep normal stress from taking over daily life. Redefine and reframe problems, asking open-ended questions such as what is holding you back from taking better care of yourself and moving beyond conventional routines.
For example, to minimize bad stress:
· What are you contributing to this situation?
· What alternatives are available to you?
· Who and what should you avoid?
· How can you influence the matter to benefit all involved?
To maximize good creative stress:
· What two or three accessible actions bring you pleasure? For example, read this BBC article on gardening: https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20250509-how-gardening-boosts-brain-health
· With whom would you enjoy doing a mutually pleasurable activity? Enlist them soon.
· What one or two new or enhanced activities do you imagine would bring pleasure to your present life? Take your top choice and try testing or adapting it; move to activation within a week.
· Snoop for ideas, processes and topics outside your comfort zone by exploring new sources and observing different activities, as examples.
Manage yourself in doing more satisfying ways of working, however you define it, and whatever the location. Following are questions for you to adapt and explore when you find them useful.
· What one or two specific actions will improve your level of satisfaction?
· How can you keep work, however you define it, within healthy boundaries rather than let it seep into other important aspects of life, either through activities or mental attention?
What can you delegate, let go and postpone?
· What regular breaks will you give yourself? During the day, specify times and what you will do to refresh yourself. For more significant periods, plan the content, locations and companions for trips and vacations without being rigid.
· How can you create better matches between your preferred skills and interests and what you do for work or other regular activities?
· What assistance will you get to help you attend to your needs and wants? What will you give in return that’s relevant to their interests?
Selye’s wisdom about the complexity of human interaction provides one way to integrate ideas about making the most of stress. Based on his research and understanding of the system of the body, he somewhat idealistically thought that:
“… just as a person’s health depends on the harmonious coordination of the organs within the body, so must relations between individual people, and by extension members of families, tribes and nations, be harmonized by the emotions and impulses of altruistic egoism that automatically ensure peaceful cooperation and remove all motives for revolutions and wars.”
While altruistic egoism and its outcomes remain lofty goals to seek, efforts to bring your body, mind, spirit, actions and relationships into more harmonious coordination will contribute to both calm and stimulation. Reaching these high aims are unlikely, I realize. But seeking them with small, consistent steps can take you further than settling into habits that limit your pleasure, health and growth.
Since life and your response to it creates enough stress of all types as it is, be gentle, playful and kind with yourself and others who care about you. Make manageable efforts founded on meaningful goals and purposes. Choose your attitudes and organize opportunities to accentuate the positive and eliminate — or at least minimize — the negative, as this good, old song counsels. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Qk9o_ZeR7s
FOR ADDITIONAL INSIGHT, LEARNING AND GUIDANCE
(Add your own to these oldies and goodies.)
Stress without Distress by Hans Selye
Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff…and It’s All Small Stuff: Simple Ways to Keep the Little Things from Taking Over Your Life by Richard Carlson
The Wisdom of the Body by Walter B. Cannon
The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook by Martha Davis et al
The Healthy Mind Healthy Body Handbook by David S. Sobel and Robert Ornstein
Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment by Martin E. P. Seligman
Resilience: The Power to Bounce Back When the Going Gets Tough by Frederic Flach
The Relaxation Response by Herbert Benson
How to Meditate: A Guide to Self-Discovery by Lawrence LeShan
The Mind Test: Classic Psychological Tests You Can Now Score and Analyze Yourself by Rita Aero and Elliot Weiner (see especially Life Change Index Scale by Thomas Holmes)
The Hardy Executive: Health Under Stress by Salvatore Maddi and Suzanne Kobasa
Simplicity:The New Competitive Advantage in a World of More, Better, Faster by Bill Jensen
Voluntary Simplicity: Toward a Way of Life That Is Outwardly Simple, Inwardly Rich by Duane Elgin
The Tending Instinct: How Nurturing Is Essential to Who We Are and How We Live by Shelley E. Taylor
“Chronic stress contributes to cognitive decline and dementia risk – 2 healthy-aging experts explain what you can do about it” — https://theconversation.com/chronic-stress-contributes-to-cognitive-decline-and-dementia-risk-2-healthy-aging-experts-explain-what-you-can-do-about-it-250583
And to consider/try some strategies that Navy Seals use to convert stress to success: https://www.fastcompany.com/91328886/navy-seal-strategies-to-turn-stress-into-success?utm_source=newsletters&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=FC%20-%20Daily%20Newsletter.2025-05-14%20-%208020&leadId=799673&mkt_tok=NjEwLUxFRS04NzIAAAGabVRSG8Qxlqo2oA-F6EUw_IC6NUa9kHHm6plDe3x2OoWmdw8T-rSuq8qJhm8-e6paX2NTGuILWDjuAOmZuSm6NPjN4uqJXbwtlYQfZWCgRg
And most recently from the NYTimes for students: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/11/learning/stress-worry-and-anxiety-are-all-different-how-do-you-cope-with-each.html?smid=em-share
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