Creating Your Own Path in Unclear, New or Difficult Circumstances

04 Aug Creating Your Own Path in Unclear, New or Difficult Circumstances

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Let the light from your insight guide you.

Creating Your Own Path in Unclear, New or Difficult Circumstances

By Ruth Schimel PhD, Career & Life Management Consultant, Author 7.29.25

© 2025 Not for commercial use. For other uses, please contact author at www.ruthschimel.com  202.659.1772 ruth@ruthschimel.com

(Draft for your comment/improvement, if you wish.)

This process is adaptable for a workshop and consultation with Ruth, self-starting individuals and collaborative dyads and groups

Ways to move forward in life and work despite challenging circumstances.

This article gives you two valuable keys to determine your interests and directions now and for your future. One key is improved clarity about what you truly want. The other related one is self-knowledge. By starting with yourself first, you’ll have an accurate, authentic template for action with the most say and access. With this process, you’ll likely avoid the ping pong of maybe this, maybe that.

The approach is also useful for assisting family, colleagues and friends who want focus or feel threatened by the political tumult. In fact, explore ways to assist one another in the process, as that makes sense to all of you.

But as you know, clarity about what you want now and later is not magical.  That varies with modifications in expectations and self-knowledge as you progress. When in that process, beware the distractions and intrusions of others’ expectations and definitions of success. The simplicity of titles and labels is also seductive.

To start within yourself, jot down whatever comes to mind when you ask yourself what 3-5 topics emerge about the following matters:

Why does this process work well?

There are several beneficial reasons to invest in responding to the bullets above. By taking the initiative to gain clarity and focus, you are doing one of the important things that are entirely in your hands. It gives you information to determine directions for taking authentic accurate action which generally makes most people feel better. It also shows how to use your nonrenewable precious time well. Then, you’ll be unlikely to hand it over to frustration, fear or anxiety – or even the stasis that often comes from procrastination and other avoidance dances.

Hearing and attending to your authentic voice helps silence dangerous, demeaning, distracting self-talk. For younger people, the process itself helps build confidence in the face of any limiting realities that contribute to disappointment and rejection. For individuals of any age who could be ageless, the approach and actions may relieve boredom, need for refreshment, sadness or sense of impotence in the face of political tumult and weakening of sources of strength.

https://www.nytimes.com/2025/05/15/opinion/rejection-college-youth.html?unlocked_article_code=1.Xk8.yHA7.u_ej0Cs1mOw4&smid=url-share

The more consistently you act on what you jotted down in response to the bullets above, as well as related information you discover, the better you’ll know what you want, who you are now, what you’re becoming and where you’re going. Although aspects of yourself deepen and expand with experiences and shifts in your emotional and physical health, your core self is fairly constant, at least according to AI! (How do we know what’s true? 2-minute video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONZSKm7U_5g)

The core self, in the context of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, refers to an individual’s inherent, undamaged essence. It’s characterized by qualities like compassion, curiosity, calm, clarity, courage, confidence, creativity, and connectedness. https://ifs-institute.com/resources/articles/internal-family-systems-model-outline

The positive focus that appreciating your core self can give you is especially important in these times of rapidly changing external challenges and realities. Wherever you are in a conventional or unconventional life sequence, your core and the bulleted considerations at the top of this article are likely to provide clarity and direction. In other words, starting from within yourself first is where you have the most choice and control. https://www.americansurveycenter.org/research/emerging-trends-and-enduring-patterns-in-american-family-life/

Growing up is hard to do at any age 

While its “responses may include mistakes,” I think most of the following AI definition of growing up has value: “It encompasses the gradual process of transitioning from childhood to adulthood, marked by physical, emotional, and social development. It involves taking on more responsibilities, making independent decisions, and developing a stronger sense of self. While the specific experiences vary, growing up is a universal part of life. [1]

AI’s more detailed breakdown follows:

“Physical Development: This includes the changes associated with puberty, such as growth spurts, development of secondary sex characteristics, and changes in physical capabilities. [1, 2, 3, 4]

Emotional Development: This involves learning to manage emotions, developing empathy, and forming healthy relationships. It also includes developing a sense of identity and self-esteem. [5, 6, 7]

Social Development: This involves learning to interact with others, developing social skills, and understanding social norms. It also includes taking on responsibilities within the community and becoming a contributing member of society. [8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14]

Cognitive Development: This involves developing critical thinking skills, problem-solving abilities, and the capacity for abstract thought. [13, 15, 16, 17, 18]

Beyond the Basics:

  • Increased Responsibility: Growing up often means taking on more responsibilities, both at home and in other areas of life, such as school or work. [13, 19]
  • Developing Independence: This involves making decisions for oneself, becoming self-sufficient, and learning to rely on oneself. [13]
  • Facing Challenges: Growing up is not always easy, and it often involves facing challenges and learning from mistakes. [7, 20]
  • Continuous Learning: Growing up is a lifelong process of learning and evolving. [7]

In essence, growing up is a journey of self-discovery and maturation, marked by a continuous process of learning, adapting, and evolving into a more capable and responsible individual.” [7, 20]

Though it’s rarely neat and totally linear, this process offers plenty of opportunities for discovery, adventure and honesty with yourself. In turn, you get access to the energy and enjoyment that the results often provide. https://www.americansurveycenter.org/research/emerging-trends-and-enduring-patterns-in-american-family-life/

Given the time and experience it takes to truly know oneself, asking most high school students what they want to do “when they grow up” is like asking the bud of a flower what it will look like when it blooms. Similarly, it can be too early for many college students to choose majors when they are 17-19. Even though some people’s passions become clear at early ages, most are often expected to commit themselves to a future for which they have no or little practical experience related to the unknowns awaiting.  For example, NYU professor and successful entrepreneur Scott Galloway describes the tough future facing Gen Z. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFk5gGbSBas

To avoid unnecessary detours or problematic choices at all ages, listen to Dan Pink’s admissions of 40 harsh truths he wished he knew in in his 20s. 13-minute video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w39A92UzTDY

The more predictable or reassuring future of other generations could also be in question due to the dynamism of job security, health, the environment and the economy. That leaves you as an essential catalyst and arbiter.

Use the ideas and inspiration in this article and what emerges for you from collaborations and further exploration to move forward. What inklings for your focus and future are emerging that could be viable for you at this time of your life?

In particular situations, another difficulty occurs when a person has been outside conventional life experiences and sequences for a while. This can result from illness, unemployment, addiction or incarceration. Any resulting psychic and physical wounds often make it very difficult to re-enter without relevant, effective support and attention.

Keep generating healthy, balanced connections with current, previously known and new people. Without that enrichment, your brain, purposes and health may suffer. 6-minute video on what happens to the brain without social contact: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USW8yf4L-R4

Yet committing yourself too early to people or situations “because it’s time” or from anxiety may take you on a path that additional experience and learning would have avoided. So, give yourself permission to wonder about how the logic of a linear life of birth, education, work, marriage, parenting and retirement relates to your unique nature and situations. In other words timing is an art during these days of dynamism and differences, not to mention threats to foundational institutions.

But you have a range of intrinsic resources. Pay attention to your intuition and learning from detours and mistakes as well as common sense and rational analysis and synthesis. In other words, activate your internal resources to step forward in the continuing process of realizing your strengths.

As you could have already noted, any path can veer, circle or unravel. That’s another reason why clarity about yourself helps for choosing well in timely, courageous ways.

Here are some questions to guide yourself whenever you come to a significant juncture. Adjust and add anything you prefer.  As you think about your responses to the following questions, I encourage you to jot down some notes for focus and later reference.

  • What do I truly want now?
  • What do I need to do to get or approximate it?
  • What is blocking me within myself?
  • What are the external blocks and how can I mitigate them?
  • With whom can I collaborate for mutual benefit?

For making choices, also visit: https://view.nl.npr.org/?qs=2d7c6e597529d00f28b7f50521a7f3465eb5137689994723a8ab1659d6e9897037e2b8404a80b15808aadbdb567dcd0939f052ce5ceeeeab8ad23083a5ff185c370824ad2de8740c27417391a5dd670d78e2883f87585b65

What to do in the meantime? Whatever the situation and hopes for the future, one accessible area for progress and mostly pleasures you want is continuous learning. That’s also helpful for connecting more widely and deeply with people you trust and respect.  As astronaut and physicist Sally Ride said: Three secrets to success are:

  • Be willing to learn new things.
  • Be able to assimilate new information quickly.
  • Be able to get along and work with other people.

As a start, identify manageable, accessible matters that relate to your interests. Bringing together both adventure and self-sufficiency, you’ll have some say in what, when, why and how you learn and connect. At least a boon for your brain health, the processes help to multiply their synaptic connections for mental vitality and agility.

Your learning process also enriches professional and personal relationships with variety, stimulation and authentic give and take. The boredom of repetition and predictability that constipates many activities, relationships and situations is avoided as you depart from automatic routines and the cushy comfort of known or familiar labels and titles. As you improve clarity, you’ll also free yourself from perceived assumptions about others’ expectations and what’s touted at the moment. https://www.brookings.edu/articles/creative-patterns-in-the-age-of-ai-securing-americas-education-edge/?utm_campaign=This%20Week%20in%20Foreign%20Policy&utm_medium=email&utm_content=371921007&utm_source=hs_email

Learning is also an opportunity to meet new people and deepen connections you already have. Even if learning online, that does not preclude you from sharing leads, ideas and new information with friends, colleagues and family. https://www.gettingsmart.com/blog/

If you feel less than expert or intimidated by new challenges, consider author and philosopher Eric Hoffer on adapting to change: “In times of change, learners inherit the earth, while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists.”

Perhaps keep a journal about what and how you’re learning for reinforcement and insight, now and later. Include actions as well as what comes to mind as catharsis as well as remembering your experiences. For example, play with ways to deepen your thoughts through the arts such as drawing, diagramming and photographing to capture themes and encourage creativity. For inspiration, see, https://www.google.com/books/edition/The_Origins_of_Creativity/jbkuDwAAQBAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&printsec=frontcover How would you share relevant information with specific people who may benefit?

In addition, learn new sports or improve on the ones you enjoy with current connections and different people that the practices bring to you. While sharing, attend to how you may assist others with their skill development and concerns. Helping others not only distracts from your own concerns, but also provides new experiences and deepens relationships. You can learn from others’ experiences and how they don’t or successfully handle challenges as well.

Exploit your early foundation.  Your continuous learning builds on the explosive development in the first five years of your life. It’s an opportunity to transcend later social conformity that often reins in your originality and uniqueness of early years.  https://files.firstthingsfirst.org/why-early-childhood-matters/the-first-five-years

Another catalyst among many in your favor is that conventions are not as constraining these days. For example, definitions of gender, family creation, living arrangements, “age-appropriate” roles and appearance are more flexible. The institutions of learning are loosening with free online courses available for anyone’s participation. Alternatives are seeking and creating informal study and conversational groups. They provide affordable and flexible way to learn new skills, advance your career or work, however you define them. Online learning options include Coursera and Udemy. So go shopping to see what appeals. https://www.blinkist.com/magazine/posts/udemy-vs-coursera

As the value and expense of conventional college experiences are questioned, other ways to make a good and satisfying living are available to explore. This includes testing interests and preparation with apprenticeships and certificates. Explore how to integrate and stack them.

Learning and practicing well-paying trades can include plumber, electrician and construction manager, as well as other vocations in health care such as nursing. They bring the satisfactions of having concrete, useful results and contributions. Some individuals combine solid, reputable earnings with pursuing dreams of being an artist or musician. One example is Jackson Galaxy, a cat behaviorist by day and musician at night. https://www.animalplanet.com/show/my-cat-from-hell-animal-planet-atve-us

Another source is the American College for the Building Arts. https://acba.edu/  See related manufacturing options from skilled work to entrepreneurial level and bridging the skills gap at:

Now with revolutions such as AI, change is so constant that continuous learning will be necessary in most work and quotidian situations. Whether wanted or not, anticipating and smoothing bumpy rides gives you the initiative. Also be alert for integrating fun and enjoyment as much as possible as you learn new skills and behaviors. Look for ways to collaborate with engaging, or at least worthwhile, partners with whom there is balanced give and take. You can get additional insights about your future from what gives you delight in any context.

Keep clarifying what has meaning and purpose to you.  As you become clearer about what you want and how to get it, you are more likely to bend, adapt and discover how to choose and influence possibilities that suit your interests. Be alert to both practical and inspiring topics and processes that appeal.

To explore specifics, consider about 30 options in this grid and how you may integrate them in ways that distinguish you and satisfy your needs:: career – design considerations second version.docx  For personalizing and further specifying choices from your responses to the bullets at the start of this article, explore Ruth’s book: Happiness and Joy in Work: Preparing for Your Future https://www.ruthschimel.com/books/. You’ll find an array of ways to express them in chapter five.

Sometimes snooping “aimlessly” online and with people who intrigue you is enjoyable and productive, rather than starting with a label, preconception, specialty or focus on a what’s simple or familiar. For example, look further into:

  • the lives of people who are amazing, atypical or nonconforming and their nonlinear paths
  • your own unfinished business or dreams lying dormant
  • situations, problems and issues that arouse your curiosity or motivation to improve them
  • dismissed ideas or approaches because you assume you lack talent and/or resources
  • ways to integrate play and work, however you define them

Possibilities abound. Your expanding and deepening foundation and healthy curiosity invite opportunities to explore and design, rather than just react passively to what seems required or comes your way. I speak from my own and family experience which I’m happy to share at another time since this article is all about you.

What others do and what can improve your life now.

For experimenting, see below for what sparks your energy, originality and imagination as you notice differing experiences, goals, values:

To read about one example of a mid-life shift as a possible prelude to considering your own situation and ideas: https://www.npca.org/articles/3797-a-badge-of-wonder  You can make such shifts more than once at different times of life, of course.

To face the AI realities and consider it creatively: https://www.nytimes.com/2025/05/30/technology/ai-jobs-college-graduates.html?campaign_id=158&emc=edit_ot_20250605&instance_id=155963&nl=on-tech&regi_id=74987028&segment_id=199388&user_id=095371a3ae43a2c0a26a98ccc130dc8

To imagine what may evolve or devolve and how to move forward authentically: https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2019/07/work-peak-professional-decline/590650/?gift=FR3rssR25uKQNG9GZXk0xhUcsCZvi586sJBkIJ-dKbw&utm_source=email&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=social

For your further focusing, deepening and broadening, choose, adapt and act on anything from among the following:

  • Give priority for action to what has meaning for you.
  • Connect with others who are encouraging, stimulating and caring.
  • Let interesting discomfort and challenge be additional criteria for choice.
  • Trust your intuition and attend to what your due diligence suggests.
  • Explore interaction and integration among your learning topics and relationships as much as possible.
  • A good reminder from Clear Thinking: It doesn’t matter what position you find yourself in right now. What matters is whether you improve your position today. Every ordinary moment is an opportunity to make the future easier or harder.
  • And as Hamlet says in his new philosophy of living: “If it be now, ’tis not to come. If it be not to come, it will be now. If it be not now, it will come. The readiness is all.”
  • Now, add your own ideas for creating meaning and purpose in your life after attending to your responses to this Principles grid: Principles grid.docx
Related to AI quotes on growing up
[1] https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/grow%20up
[2] https://nuawoman.com/blog/how-puberty-prepares-your-body-for-adulthood-a-guide-for-teens/
[3] https://open.lib.umn.edu/technologyfamily/chapter/5-1-technology-use-and-impacts-in-children-youth-and-young-adults/
[4] https://choc.org/ages-stages/13-to-18-years/
[5] https://www.forthealthcare.com/growingupcanbestressful/
[6] https://www.montagehealth.org/care-treatment/mental-behavioral/ohana/parent-education-support/local-family-activities/supporting-childrens-emotional-development/
[7] https://poly.rpi.edu/opinion/2025/04/what-does-it-mean-to-grow-up/
[8] https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/grow_up
[9] https://scanva.org/parent-resource-post/social-development-in-children/
[10] https://www.fennies.com/post/what-is-social-development-in-early-childhood
[11] https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/childhood/the-best-childhood-synonym-how-to-define-the-meaning-of-childhood/
[12] https://www.cyberwise.org/post/growing-up-together-how-to-adapt-your-parenting-as-your-child-evolves
[13] https://www.quora.com/What-do-people-mean-when-they-say-grow-up-or-be-an-adult-What-are-the-characteristics-of-an-adult-and-how-can-we-achieve-them
[14] https://amg.um.dk/tools/youth-in-development/youthhood-a-period-of-personal-and-social-development
[15] https://westcoastrecoverycenters.com/blog/how-childhood-sets-the-foundation-for-your-psyche/
[16] https://lchcommunityhealth.org/understanding-child-development-milestones-stages-and-growth/
[17] https://www.advocatesforyouth.org/resources/health-information/parents-14/
[18] https://evolvetreatment.com/blog/understanding-adolescent-development/

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